Wednesday, September 16, 2015

25 years seems so long... but I know you are never far

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

always will be

Today as the New Horizons space probe buzzes pass the once-planet, Pluto, I'm reminded of a conversation with my daughter just a few months ago. I met her after school, while talking about her day she says, " know, back before Pluto wasn't a planet..." as the conversation continued I couldn't help but think Pluto will always be a planet to me.

There's even a term for it now: to be "plutoed" - devalued, demoted or diminished in some way.

It also made me think, how can you unlearn something?
Then again, how can we rewrite our own script. Is it possible? Will you always be the person someone remembers you to be. Good or bad. Or is it possible to rewrite your reputation. Because everyday has new challenges and opportunities to alter your story. What others perceive you to be is their own business. Just be you and then a bit better, each day. Small changes made daily is the answer.

Dear Pluto,
You'll always be a planet to me. But now, you are even more... a boundary that has been explored and seen.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

deep thoughts from the trampoline

Shortly after we moved in our new home, we got a trampoline. Jumping, running, bouncing... the neighborhood kids enjoy the new novelty. But sometimes I glance and they are just hanging out chatting.
One such day I inquired and my daughter let me in on the discussion.

Momma, do you know we are all connected? We are all related because God created us and loves us. The little boy next door interjects, Yes, even that blade of grass... And my girl points to the towering evergreen just outside our backdoor. That tree is my sister.

Yes my dears, the connection is eternal.

Saturday, June 20, 2015


Happy Father's Day to my Dad and brothers! 
Here are a few words of wisdom from my Dad. 

Any job worth doing is worth doing well. 

 Follow the White Line. When driving through stormy weather, focus on what you know (the white line) and keep sight of the beacons (truckers) in the distance.

Don’t Kick Boots.
It won’t matter how many lives you saved, the baby you delivered in the back of the bus or the paramedic team you help assemble. If you loose your cool, that is what will be remembered.

No one will ring your bell for you.
Sometimes you have to ring it yourself.

Do as I say, not as I do.
I think I could speak for my siblings, we try to be like you, an excellent role model for our children.

Education and experience can never be taken away.
So hike to a waterfall, ride a water slide and learn from everyone you meet.

I couldn't be prouder of my parents – the best role models. 

If not then, before.

I love you, Dad! And man, am I thankful for that! 

Sunday, May 10, 2015

happy mother's day

my daughter's imagination is a precious gift. 
Grateful and Blessed.
Some waterfalls are the rainbow of life

Sunday, March 29, 2015

never for the shirt

See those stars. That's me. It’s been a week since I completed my challenge. Just enough time to decompress, reflect and catch up on the things have been set aside. The challenge, 30 Bikram Yoga classes in 30 days at 26hot in Glen Ellyn. I wrote about a similar challenge I did last year at another studio I really like in Palatine, New Level Yoga.

Serendipitous, as my life seems to flow, a groupon, that made yoga affordable to practice for the last two months, ran out on the very day the challenge started. A sign? hint from the universe? a push? I’m not the competitive type. This has nothing to do with the accolades, other than knowing I finished. Over hearing girls talk in the shower room after class, “What do you get if you complete the 30 days”? A t-shirt a fellow challenger responds... I interject, “but you don’t do this for the t-shirt.”

My Dad asked “do you have to do this?” Truthfully, I said yes.  

You see, it was 4 years ago this March, I started at this studio. While my whole life was fracturing, I was working a ton to avoid the reality. Emotionally distraught. Empty. My friend, Denise encouraged me to do something I thought was unreasonable: 90 minutes in a 105 degree room with 40 percent humidity yoga, 26 poses. As I walked in the studio for the first time, I saw the poster of the 30 day challengers, and thought who are these insane people. At the end of my first class, it wasn’t pretty, but I did it. I remember telling my friend, I feel like I can breathe fire and try anything. Since then Bikram has been a part of my life, and my healing.

I found this entry in a mostly blank notebook, I ironically grabbed for the class I’m currently taking.
March 23, 2011
“It’s morning, again. Woke up at 5a.m. unable to sleep. Uncomfortable in my skin, uncomfortable with my life, but pressing forward. Struggling with what my life is supposed to be...”
Today, I see my life’s direction and it’s full of possibilities. I’m forever grateful.

As you might imagine, after my practice, I’m completely spent and look like a drown rat. So it is not only the class I need to commit my time to, it’s the getting there, proper hydrating, meditation before, final savasana and of course shower. Approximately just under 3 hours a day, unless I needed to do a double, then potentially 5 hours.
Wow, time. Intense time. Reflection time. Unreasonable time. WORTHY time.
Such an simple idea, time for yourself.
Each time I show up on the mat, I learn something new. 

Here's to you and committing to unreasonable acts of time, kindness and love. 

~ namasté ~

Monday, January 12, 2015

new ~ you-er than you ~ year

You are YOU
this is truer than TRUE
there is no one alive
who is youer than YOU! 
an absolute Suess favorite

It’s hard to find your place sometimes.
What helps… knowing and believing in who you are.
Sometimes, it’s take time.

My daughter is back to school after winter break. Since our move here this Fall her school work and attention span seem so much better.
But today, she came home with tears in her eyes.
“I miss my friends. I want to go back to my old school.”

She is so sensitive, like her Mama. We sat down, I mostly listened to her sadness (which may have been amplified by hunger ;) 
and told her what I’ve told myself many times:
Put yourself out there.
Meet people, be a good friend first.
Join a group, but know it’s okay not to belong.
Meet more people.
Find your kindred souls.
Be kind.
Have fun ~ it magically draws.
Be you! because you are awesome.

I know it’s hard. But I believe a bit of discomfort is all part of change and growth.

Part of being me is always changing… adapting.
I found this ironic, as I was sorting my supplies in my new space, I came across these letters given to me last year by one of my Collage Sisthars… they are the start of my first and last name.
But when switched in their intended state… spell CHANGE
So, I can honestly say… my name is Change. Okay.. I know it’s a stretch.
But interesting none-the-less? 

Life is a bit clearer when viewed through the lens of a nine year old.
I learn so much about myself through my daughter. For that I’m forever grateful.
She is a true gift.

I try not to set New Year’s goals (a bit too daunting). I set intentions with actions, for more lasting effects. Recently the intentions were physical strength. 5k run, trapeze, fly boarding, 30/30 Bikram.

The physical is now a part of me, this year I will concentrate on the mental.

Intentions: Reading. Relating. Reflecting. Focus. Finishing.

Here’s me-er than me, celebrating all my you-er than yous. 

Sending loving kindness and the hope of a bright of new year.